Every Thursday night, a group calling themselves the Old Bastards takes over a corner of the Gascoyne Hotel in Carnarvon, WA. There's a drink, a yarn, a few games and a bit of fundraising for the town. Despite the name, the members are men and women of all ages, and some have been coming for decades.
We came across them in a recent ABC story about loneliness in regional Australia, and they've stuck with us. Nothing about the group is fancy. It works because people keep showing up for each other, and because newcomers get pulled in rather than left standing at the bar.
Lonelier than we let on
Loneliness is a lot more common than most of us admit. Ending Loneliness Together, Australia's peak body on the issue, says one in three Australian adults are lonely, and it's worse outside the big cities. Its research found a third of people in rural and regional areas experience long-term loneliness, compared with a quarter of city dwellers. Young adults have it toughest, with more than two in five 18 to 24 year olds persistently lonely.
Moving somewhere new makes it harder again. You leave behind the friends you could ring on a whim, and building that from scratch takes time. One Carnarvon local who arrived six years ago put it simply: "I didn't feel connected until we met these guys and they just put their arms out and welcomed us into the town."
Why turning up matters
Loneliness affects more than your mood. What helps is usually small and regular, like seeing the same faces each week and having someone notice when you're not there.
It's worth mixing up the ages, too. As loneliness researcher Associate Professor Michelle Lim told the ABC, "we don't do intergenerational friendships enough." Local groups are one of the few places where a uni student and a retiree end up chatting on the same walk.
November is Bring a Friend Month
The hardest part of joining something new is usually the first time. Walking into a room where you don't know anyone takes nerve, even if you're fairly outgoing. That's why we're making November Bring a Friend Month at Active Locals.
It borrows a little from Carnarvon. Instead of waiting for someone to find their own way in, you bring them with you. Take a neighbour, friend or family member to a participating event before 30 November and you'll both get a free coffee.
Have a think about who could use the invite. Maybe it's a mate who's just moved suburbs, a colleague who works from home most days, or a parent who's recently retired. And if you've never been to an Active Locals event yourself, having someone beside you is a pretty good way to start.
How to get involved
- Choose an event to join. Check out the participating groups near you on the Active Locals app and decide which event (or events) you're keen to head to. You'll find everything from run clubs and social walks to tennis and sustainability meet-ups.
- Book a guest ticket. When you RSVP in the app, tap the + to add a ticket for your friend.
- Check in with the event host. Make sure you both check in on the day, and the organiser will shout you both a coffee at the cafe counter.
You both need to check in to get the coffee, so don't skip step three.
Who will you bring?
The Old Bastards weren't trying to fix loneliness. They've kept meeting week after week and made newcomers feel welcome, and you can do the same in your own suburb.
So who do you know who could do with getting out a bit more? Find a participating group in the Active Locals app, add them as your guest, and grab a coffee together before 30 November.